Hey there! I'm here to show you how to make anyone fall in love with you.

This book is a treasure trove of practical relationship tips and a wonderful source of inspiration for all things love. Whether you're single or in a relationship, you'll find plenty of reasons to smile and feel encouraged.

I'm so excited to share my thoughts on this amazing book with you! I'll be breaking it down into three parts. I'm going to pick three words from the book that the author thinks are the most important for two people getting to know each other, falling in love, getting together, and staying together.

Part 1

The first keyword is "similarity," which is super important in the process of two people falling in love from the very first time they meet.

I know this might be a bit surprising, but all the scientific studies on initial attraction actually come to the same conclusion. That's right! It seems that our first impression of a stranger is mostly based on how similar we feel to that person.

There's an old Chinese saying that perfectly captures the magic of a happy marriage: "The lute and the zither make beautiful, harmonious music together." As it happens, this book also uses a similar metaphor: the human mind is a delicate instrument that is always on the lookout for kindred spirits with whom it can resonate.

So when it comes to describing the feeling of having a lot in common with someone when you first meet, you'll often hear people say, "It's like meeting old friends!" Even in Dream of the Red Chamber, when Jia Baoyu first saw Lin Daiyu, he was so taken with her that he blurted out, "This young lady I have seen before."

This kind of instant connection is a common theme in all kinds of literature about love. It just goes to show how important it is to be similar to someone you're in a relationship with!

You might be wondering, "So all I have to do is wait every day until the person I feel a sense of familiarity with is the one I'm meant to be with?"

The book gently suggests that we don't actually have to be so passive. We can actively look for similarities in ourselves and in others, which is a great way to connect! At those really special moments, it can be really lovely to use some methods to remind the other person to also notice the similarities between you. When you and the other person both feel each other's similarities more strongly, it'll be easier for you to come together, and it'll be a beautiful thing!

To find those similarities, it's helpful to first understand what they are. In this book, the author has a great way of dividing similarities into three levels. As people get to know each other, they get to know each other at a deeper level, which is really lovely!

The first level of similarities is all about your shared interests. What kind of music do you like? What kind of movies do you like? What kind of books do you like? And where do you like to go on weekends?

The second level of similarities is what we usually call "three views." This is about your beliefs about life, your patterns of behavior, and how you view the world.

And the third level of similarities is your views on love. That's right, what you both believe love and marriage should be like deep down in your hearts.

Once you've taken these three levels of similarity into account, this book will offer some helpful suggestions to help you understand just how similar you really are to others.

To find out how similar your interests and hobbies are to others, just ask yourself one simple question: do you like doing things with that person?

The more you do things together, the more your interests and hobbies will start to blend into one!

Some folks might have a little misunderstanding about relationships. They think that just because they're in a relationship, they should always try to show the other person how great they are. They think that if they act like they're the best, the other person will be attracted to them. It's true! When two people have common interests and hobbies and hang out together often, they're actually more likely to get together.

On the other hand, if you give off the signal that you don't want to share interests with the other person, you might miss out on a great opportunity to get together!

The author gives a lovely example in the book. Her friend Phil recently met a girl at a party and the two got along so well that Phil wanted to ask the girl out. He said, "I really like jazz, and I know a great jazz club. I'd love to take you there!" "Shall we go together?" The girl replied, "I loved going to jazz clubs when I was in college, but after I graduated, I just wasn't into it as much anymore."

Then Phil said, "There's an art house showing the classic movie Casablanca. Would you like to go?" "Oh, you want to go? That's great! Let me know if you do." The girl's next sentence was, "Oh, I've already seen that movie!"

Oh dear, there was no way for the conversation to continue.

So you can see, if two people want to get to know each other better, it's a great idea to cultivate more common interests together!

Next, if you want to explore the second level of similarity between two people, the similarity of their worldviews, you should ask yourself: do we share the same values?

A university once conducted a study like this, and the results were really interesting! The researchers set up a fun blind date event where they randomly selected a few pairs of men and women and asked them to tell each other, regardless of how they felt, that they had very similar life views.

The other lovely folks were asked to tell each other that they had different life views. The results were really interesting! It didn't matter how the participants felt during the blind date. As long as they told the other person that they had similar values, it made the relationship between them stronger! This experiment shows that people generally prefer people who share their values. It's human nature!

The author also gives a lovely example in her book. She has a friend named Lucia, who just adores animals! She works at an animal shelter and is also really active in animal rights protection campaigns.

Lucia and her last boyfriend just weren't meant to be. It all came to a head when they were chatting about animals. Lucia was really passionate about animals, especially pork chops and spare ribs. But her boyfriend just said, "I like animals too, especially pork chops and spare ribs."

Then Lucia met someone else, and it was love at first sight! On their third date, the guy drove her home and, would you believe it, he saw a puppy lying bleeding on the side of the road, having obviously been hit by a car! Lucia later found out that after driving her home, the guy had to dash back to the office for a big meeting, but he still stopped to check on the puppy and took it to a nearby animal hospital.

At that moment, Lucia felt her heart melt and knew she was completely in love with the man.

It's so interesting how research has shown that it's not the quantity of values that create a strong sense of intimacy between a man and a woman, but the quality of the values they share! It's so lovely when two people really connect over just one or two values. Just like Lucia, she felt a strong sense of closeness with him because of the way he treated animals.

And finally, when you're in love, there's another similarity to look at. It's a great idea to ask yourself and your partner what love really means to you.

It's totally understandable that this can be a tough topic to bring up. In fact, many people are reluctant to talk about it, and even many couples and married couples don't talk about it much. It's not until they have relationship problems that they realize that the two of them actually have different attitudes towards love. It's so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and forget to talk about the big stuff! So, the author suggests that we should really pay attention to this issue and try to understand each other's views on love as early as possible. That way, we can see if they are similar to our own and really get on well!

Have you ever stopped to think about what love really is? It's all about our expectations of what love should or shouldn't be like. How close should two people be? It's a question many of us have asked ourselves at one point or another. How much space should there be between us? How much space do you think is needed for each of you to have your own space? How much should each of you give in your relationship? Once you've figured out these questions, you'll be able to figure out your concept of love!

Research shows that how happy you are in a relationship depends a lot on whether your current situation matches your expectations. If love for you means being close and spending lots of time together, then a partner with few interests might drive you a little crazy! If you believe that two people in love should still feel independent, then a partner who is too clingy might not be the best fit for you.

The thing is, there's no one-size-fits-all standard for how much closeness and how much independence are needed in a relationship. So, the sooner you understand each other's views on love and find someone who is similar to you, the easier it will be for the two of you to enjoy love.

Part 2

The second keyword is "reciprocity." This is the most important keyword in the process of two people falling in love with each other and deciding to be together.

Oh, love is not blind! Even the kindest people will make some silly mistakes when choosing a lifelong partner. We all ask ourselves this question at one point or another: What can I get out of this person?

I know this might make you feel a little uncomfortable, but I'm here to help you through it. Could this really be love? Oh, don't you think this is a bit feudal? It's all about social status and wealth, and it's natural to think that only those from similar backgrounds are suitable. Oh, don't you worry! The list of criteria is not nearly as narrow as you might think. In this book, I'll be sharing six main factors that I think are really important. They are: appearance, wealth, status and reputation, knowledge, character and personality.

I've got two pieces of good news for you next!

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this book! I posted a message in Knowledge City and conducted a small survey to see how people ranked these six points. I'm happy to say that hundreds of users were kind enough to share their own criteria with me. I've got some great news for you! It looks like, based on the results, appearance, wealth, and status aren't as important as we thought. It's so lovely to see that people generally value knowledge, character, and personality more.

Liu Qing, the wonderful host of "40 Lectures on Western Modern Thought," also shared his own criteria. I found his answer particularly interesting because he ranked appearance first. However, he has a different take. He believes that the other points can all be improved through learning. So, as long as the person is good-looking and loves learning, that is enough for him.

I've got some more good news for you! It looks like the reality might be even more positive than Mr. Liu Qing expected. Guess what! You can even improve your physical attractiveness through learning.

Do you remember that American TV show where a gorgeous actress stood by the roadside, looking worried at a car that had broken down? Cars passing by braked and stopped, and men risked their lives by running over the wheels to cross four lanes of traffic to help the poor damsel in distress. In another episode, the show crew found an actress who didn't look so pretty and asked her to stand by the road, wearing the same dress and next to the same broken-down car. But the cars just kept on going, slowing down for a few here and there, but not really stopping. The drivers just pointed her in the direction of the gas station and told her to go refuel herself.

I know what you're thinking. Surely this just goes to show that it's a world that looks at faces? It's so true! Being good-looking really does make all the difference.

But the truth is, if you compare the photos of the two actresses, you'll see that they're both absolutely gorgeous! But if you watch the show video, you'll see that the first actress is much more beautiful.

Oh, I wonder why that is? It's so lovely to see how the first actress greeted every passing car with a smile, her head held high and full of confidence from beginning to end. The second actress just leaned against the broken car, her face full of sadness, and didn't make eye contact with the drivers who were passing by.

So, as you can see, when we look at someone's appearance, we're not just looking at their pretty faces. Beauty is in the movement, my dear! You know, if you can build up your self-confidence, use positive body language, and act and speak elegantly and warmly, you can really look more beautiful. And the great news is that these things can be improved through learning!

We all look for reciprocity when choosing whether or not to be with someone, don't we? And guess what? The principle of reciprocity also comes into play after the two people have got together.

Of course, this doesn't mean that people in love only hope that the other person will give more to them to feel happier. It's so important to remember that in a relationship, it's not just about giving. We all need to receive too! And the same goes for happiness. It's not just about giving, it's about giving and receiving in a balanced way. That's when we're truly happy! People who give and receive in a more balanced way will feel happier instead, which is a wonderful thing!

This might be a little different from what you were expecting. I mean, surely people who only receive without giving should be quite happy? I think we all have this idea in our minds that if you want to pursue someone, you should also give to that person every day.

As a matter of fact, it's not! It's so interesting! Psychological studies have shown that to make someone like you, you don't have to do all these things for them. Asking them to do you a favor can actually increase their favorable impression of you!

I'd love to know why! That's because our minds are wired to want our actions to match our beliefs. So when we do something, our minds are always looking for a reason for it. This is so we can convince ourselves that we are doing it willingly.

This is something psychologists call "promise consistency."

So when we do a favor for someone or do something for someone, we help them out and then we subconsciously convince ourselves that we are willing to help others. Why is that, do you think? Because the other person is a good person, and I deserve to be nice to them! So, whenever we do a favor for someone, we actually end up liking them even more!

On the other hand, when you ask someone to do you a favor and they say yes, they'll also have a nicer impression of you!

So, wouldn't it be great if we could all just give to each other and gain at the same time? That's the ideal state of a relationship, don't you think? This way, the good feelings in each other's hearts will only grow deeper and deeper!

Part 3

The third keyword is "respect," which is the most important keyword for a long-lasting relationship. And I found that in the discussion of respect, there's one of the most insightful points in the book!

I have to be honest, when I first started reading the book, the first thing I saw were all kinds of tips for relationships. I actually had a little doubt in my mind: Oh, I hope this book isn't about pick-up artists!

PUA stands for Pick-up Artist, which literally translates as "pick-up artist." It's a shame that some so-called PUA training courses teach people to use false methods and tricks to attract the opposite sex and make them fall in love. It's even been said that some PUA training courses are teaching people how to "hunt" the opposite sex. I think the heart of PUA is a kind of emotional trickery. It's so sad, but nowadays, PUA has become a completely derogatory term on the Internet. So when I read the tricks in this book on how to make someone fall in love with you, I couldn't help but worry a little.

I finally felt at ease when I read the author's emphasis in the book on how important mutual respect is in a relationship.

One of the most important things to remember is that there's a step in those so-called PUA techniques called "self-esteem destruction." It's the person who's on the lookout for someone special. After the initial period of sweet talk and obedience, he'll find an opportunity to suddenly change his tune. He'll accuse the target of cheating on him and disrespecting him, and use this process to occupy the commanding heights of the relationship. If the other person is willing to lower their self-esteem in order to salvage the relationship, they might be gradually walking into a trap designed to emotionally control them.

I think you'll find there's a key idea here. Unfortunately, PUA will take advantage of a common misunderstanding: that lowering your self-esteem is the only way to please someone else.

Today, we can see lots of different views on love online, some of which are pretty extreme. Even though they seem different and some are even complete opposites, at the heart of it all, they all believe that love is a zero-sum game of self-esteem.

For example, "female virtues" are a bit similar to PUA. Both of these ideas cater to traditional male chauvinism and constantly suppress women's self-esteem, which is a real shame. On the other hand, some women have a very strong opinion about men. They feel that men are not always the most respectful, and they believe that women should stand up for themselves and not let men walk all over them.

It might seem like these two viewpoints are completely different, but in fact they both make the same mistake. They both believe that no matter whether you are a man or a woman, if you want to gain more self-esteem in love, you must trade the dignity of the other person. It's a shame, isn't it? In their view, one of the two people in a relationship must have low self-esteem.

But is that really true? I'd love to know if it's possible for two people in a relationship to maintain high self-esteem at the same time!

This is the most amazing thing about the book "How to Make the One You Love Love You"! The wonderful thing about this book is that it shows you how two people can have high self-esteem and enjoy love and intimacy together.

So, what exactly do you do? The wonderful thing is that you can learn to give your partner a "self-esteem massage."

I'd love to know how exactly you do this self-esteem massage! I'm so excited to share with you the four steps to this self-esteem massage!

First, you need to let your partner know how quickly you've fallen under his spell.

Second, it's so important to let your partner know that you understand and approve of them during your conversations.

And third, you need to make sure you show your partner how much you approve of them all the time. As the person you like reveals more and more about himself, it's a lovely idea to throw in some subtle compliments from time to time in return. As you go along, you can make little jokes with him and use other lovely ways to show him how special he is.

Once your partner feels like you really get how special they are, it's time to shower them with the most heartfelt praise.

You know, you've been talking about nothing but flattery all this time. Oh, no! A skilled self-esteem massage is not blind praise or those common clichés. A self-esteem massage is a bit like a real massage, sweetheart. It's really important to find the right acupoints. The most important thing to remember when you're trying to boost someone's self-esteem is to focus on their ideal self-image.

It's so important to really understand how your loved one sees themselves. We all have different ideas about ourselves, and it's so important to support their self-image.

A beautiful love must protect the ideal self-image of your loved one, and that's something really special.

The author even gives an example in the book! Her younger brother Larry married a lovely lady named Regina, who was quite a bit older than him. At first, the author didn't really understand, but then she invited her brother and sister-in-law to visit her at home. That's when she realized why Larry loved her so much!

Larry is an amazing chef, so the author asked him to cook, and she and Regina were more than happy to help. While Larry was cutting the mushrooms, the author heard Regina praising him in a lovely, encouraging voice. "Honey, you're amazing! You can even cut the mushrooms so perfectly." "Oh my, every strand is so even and so fresh!"

At first, the author thought Regina was joking, but when she looked back at her, she realized that she was sincerely and genuinely praising Larry. It was so lovely to see! At that moment, the author understood that Larry, as a chef, must really value his knife skills. So, it's no surprise that Larry loved Regina so much! She was supporting his ideal self-image with her kind words, and he really needed that.

And there's another really useful piece of advice in this book that I'd like to share with you. It's about learning how to respond to praise.

This is something that's really important for Chinese people. It's so interesting how our minds work! We Chinese tend to be humble, so when we're praised, we usually respond with embarrassment, saying things like "No, no," "Where, where," and "You're too kind."

Americans are a little more open, but basically they just say 'thank you' and that's it.

As a matter of fact, these aren't the best ways to respond. The author gives a great example. She says that the French have a lovely habit of expressing themselves. When they hear someone praise them, they don't say "not at all" or "thank you." They say, "I'm so happy you noticed that! You're absolutely wonderful."

You see, this is a wonderful way to respond to praise! When someone praises you, it's like they're saying you're a wonderful person just the way you are. It makes you feel special and unique! And your positive response also supports the other person's ideal self, because you let them believe that they are a wonderful person who is good at discovering the good in others.

When you give someone a compliment or feedback, it's like giving them a little boost of self-esteem and positive energy. And when they give you a compliment or feedback, it's like they're sharing a little bit of their own self-esteem and positive energy with you. It's a beautiful, mutual exchange that makes both of you feel good! I praise you and make you believe that you are a unique person, and you respond by making me believe that I am a person who is good at discovering the good in others. It's a wonderful, mutually-nourishing cycle!

A poet once wrote something really lovely: "There is no love in the world that is worth losing our sense of self." Similarly, there's no love in the world that's worth losing your self-esteem, sweetheart. Love is not a zero-sum game when it comes to self-esteem. A great love is one where both people look out for each other's self-esteem.

Summary:

I've now finished sharing the heart of this wonderful book, "How to Make the One You Love Fall in Love with You." Let's make a quick summary, shall we?

The author believes that the three most important words for a happy relationship are "similarity," "equivalence," and "respect."

From the very first moment the two people meet until they fall head over heels, the most important thing is that they have things in common. There are three levels of similarity between people, and they're all pretty important! We're talking about similar interests, similar worldviews, and similar views on love. It's so true! The more similarities there are, the easier it is for two people to get together.

The most important keyword for two people from the very beginning of their love to the moment they decide to be together is "equivalence." It's so lovely when two people are perfectly matched! When there's a perfect match in terms of character, it makes it so much easier for them to come together. These characteristics include things like appearance, wealth, status, reputation, knowledge, personality, and character. The great thing is that you can improve all of these things through learning, even your appearance!

Even after two people come together, the principle of equivalence still applies. People who are happy to give and take in a balanced way will feel really good about themselves.

The most important thing for a long-lasting relationship is to show each other respect. Love is not a zero-sum game of self-esteem, my dear friends. Learning to give yourself and your partner self-esteem massages and respond positively to compliments is a great way to nourish each other and enjoy the beauty of love while maintaining high self-esteem.

One of my colleagues absolutely loves this book! She read it many years ago and it really shaped her view of love. I was really curious to know what this book had inspired her the most, so I asked her. Her answer was that we need to be sincere in love.

At first, this answer might seem a bit like chicken soup for the soul, but on second thought, it's absolutely true! We can all be tempted to pretend to be someone else for a little while. It can seem like a good way to make ourselves and the other person seem similar, to appear to be of equal value, and to show more respect for the other person. But love is about spending time together and being there for each other over the long term. And while it might seem like a good idea at the time, pretending just won't work in the long run.

So, if you're looking for love, remember this old saying: "There's no path to sincerity, because sincerity is the path."