I'm so excited to tell you all about this amazing book! It's called "The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward" by the famous American futurist Daniel H. Pink.

This time, Pink turns his attention to a topic close to our hearts: regret. We all feel regret sometimes. It's a normal, everyday feeling. Pink's goal in writing this book is to help us understand regret better and show us how to turn negative emotions into motivation to move forward and improve ourselves.

Pinker spent a whole year and a half setting up a website called the World Regret Survey. It was so inspiring to see how many people volunteered to take part! In fact, 20,000 people from 105 countries and regions shared their life regrets. When it comes to our regrets, there are so many different areas we can think of! Career, family, partner, education, health – these are just a few of the things we might regret. Pinker then followed up with 100 of these lovely people. After looking at all the research, Pinker made an amazing discovery. He realized that the idea of a "life without regrets" isn't as great as we thought. In fact, he found that having regrets is actually a good thing! It's how we learn and grow as people.

Right at the start of the book, Pinker shares four true stories of ordinary people, and they all have one thing in common. The characters in the stories were feeling a bit lost and confused about their lives. They made the brave decision to leave behind their old lives and start anew. Of course, this restart is worth celebrating! And their choice is almost the same: to go to a tattoo studio and get the words "No Regrets" tattooed on their torsos as a kind of declaration.

Pinker said that the words "No Regrets" are a very loud slogan in popular culture that has swept the world. They're also a very important value, especially appealing to young people who are just embarking on their journey in life and are full of impulse and passion. Pinker gave an example to illustrate his point, saying that the continued popularity of the popular song "I Have No Regrets" is the best proof. The song, originally sung by the wonderful French singer Edith Piaf, was released in the 1960s and has been covered by countless artists over the past 60 years. It's also been featured in tons of awesome movies, like Christopher Nolan's Inception and DreamWorks' Madagascar. And there's more! The song has also appeared in tons of TV commercials for consumer products. It's a great way to get a brand's message across to the audience. The idea is that if you don't regret the things you did yesterday, you're special and extraordinary. It's also a reminder that life is one big journey and that we can only find love and happiness by moving forward and not looking back.

But is that really true? You might know the saying, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." If you know folks who've invested, they'll tell you that this proverb is backed by math and economics. It basically says that spreading your investments around will help you avoid big risks. In the 1950s, American economist Harry Markowitz came up with his own "modern portfolio theory" based on this idea. He was awarded the Nobel Prize in Economics in 1990 for his work!

The good news is that the author says the theory of "diversified investment" proposed by Markowitz is still valid in everyday life. Our emotions and experiences are like a unique investment portfolio. Some are positive, like love and pride, while others are negative, like sadness, depression, or shame. I think we can all agree that the kind of propaganda that asks us to live a "regret-free life" is actually asking us to reduce investment projects in our emotional experience portfolio. This is so that we can increase positive emotions and reduce negative emotions. It's a bit like investing in the stock market by buying just a few stocks that are generally considered promising. I know it might seem like a good idea to save effort, but it actually increases the risk.

Pinker tells us something really interesting. He says that while positive emotions make us feel great and give us lots of motivation, negative emotions are also really important. Negative emotions have been a huge help to human society over the years. For instance, fear and caution help us avoid dangers like wild animals and extreme weather. Disgust makes us steer clear of actions that go against public order and good morals and harm the collective interest. Anger reminds us to stand up for our own or others' interests.

Likewise, regret is a negative emotion, but it's a pretty complex one. Pinker says that if you mix sadness, guilt, and contempt together, you get regret. Even though it can be a pretty negative experience, regret is actually a really important part of being human. Pinker really emphasizes that the only way to truly understand regret and discover its positive meaning is to gain the know-how to improve ourselves in this complex world. This will help us gain a deeper understanding of our own patterns of behavior and what we really value.

I'm so excited to share with you all the details of this amazing book in two parts! First, we'll chat about the nature of regret, why it's around, and the core mechanisms at work. In the second part, I'll be sharing some insights into the different types of regret and the basic human needs they represent. Finally, in the conclusion, we'll see what approach the author Pinker will take to deal with regret and use it to correct our current decisions and improve ourselves.

Understanding Regret

As we said earlier, regret is a negative emotion that is a mixture of sadness, guilt, and contempt. But this is just a quick, easy-to-understand description. In fact, lots of clever scholars in different fields have tried to give a precise and rigorous definition of regret. For instance, psychologists say that regret is an unpleasant feeling that comes from making choices and seeing what those choices lead to. Management experts say that regret happens when folks in charge compare what actually happened with what they thought would happen.

It's important to remember that regret is a long process. It involves making decisions, then looking back and making changes to how we think. So, the first step to really understanding regret is to think of it as a process, rather than just one thing in your mind.

Pinker says that the reason we humans can feel regret is because our amazing brains have two unique abilities: recall and hypothesis, or "counterfactual thinking." It's only when we compare our past experiences with some lovely, happy memories that regret can really take hold in our minds.

For instance, a lovely lady from Virginia, USA, shared her biggest regret with Pinker in the World Regret Questionnaire. She told us that the thing she regretted most was giving up her postgraduate studies at university because of pressure from her father. So, she figured that if she hadn't made that choice, her life would've been totally different, and way more fulfilling and rewarding.

So, this is how regret works: we first think about the choices we've made and what happened as a result. If things didn't turn out the way we hoped, we feel regret. Then, we compare this not-so-great reality with other possibilities in our imagination, and we feel regret for not seeing things as they really are.

In his book, Pinker explains that regret is actually a prerequisite for the birth of regret. It's fascinating how comparison is the core mechanism of regret! In our everyday lives, we often see regret as a kind of negative emotion and even make fun of it. Regret is simply acknowledging that you made a mistake in a past decision. It's totally normal to feel this way! It can even affect your self-identity and sense of value, which is why it's so important to recognize it and give yourself a break. But here's the thing: regret is actually a sign of mental maturity. It just goes to show that you've been able to figure out what went wrong with that decision and how it affected you or others. You've also learned from it, so it's less likely you'll make the same mistake twice.

Now, let's chat about comparison. In his book, Pinker describes a very simple psychological experiment that I think you'll find really interesting! A lovely group of volunteers were asked to choose between two casino roulette wheels. Once they made their choice, the wheel they picked started to spin! Guess what happened next? Either they won a little bit or they didn't win at all! The volunteer who didn't win felt bad, but just thought he was unlucky. We've all been there! However, if the staff let him know at this point that the other volunteers had won because they had chosen the other wheel, he would feel twice as bad and frustrated.

What can we learn from this simple experiment, my friends? Pinker says that the first step to feeling regret is believing that your loss came from a mistake in your choice, rather than from something you couldn't control. Secondly, we often make things worse for ourselves when we're feeling down by comparing our losses to other possibilities. It's human nature to focus on what we've lost, but we should also consider the risks associated with other choices. So, when we make comparisons, they can be like a magnifying glass or a catalyst, allowing emotions such as regret, guilt, and sadness to quickly and violently emerge.

So, when regret strikes, how do we humans respond? Pinker gives a really vivid example. Let's take a moment to look at this lovely photo of the winners, captured by the media after the women's cross-country cycling competition at the 2016 Rio Olympics.

It's so lovely to see how happy the Italian Borghini is, standing all the way on the right. She looks absolutely radiant! And then there's the Dutch cyclist Van der Breggen, who's right in the middle. She looks so happy too! But the Swedish cyclist Johansson on the left looks a little less happy.

Next, Pinker asked a really interesting question. He asked the audience to guess the results based on the expressions. I think many of us would say that's easy! The happiest Borgini must have won the gold medal, the unhappiest Johansson must have won the bronze medal, and the happy-medium Van der Breggen must have won the silver medal. I'm sorry to say that you're mistaken. As it turns out, Borgini was actually the happiest! She won the bronze medal, Van der Breggen won the gold, and Johansson, who was forced to smile and look happy, won the silver.

I'd love to know why this happened! Pinker said that first, we have to understand what was going on in the final moments of the race. That's the only way we can really get to know the three medalists and understand the emotional and psychological changes that they were going through. It was a scorching hot day with high humidity, so it's no surprise that almost all the competitors were wiped out by the end of the race! Just a few kilometers from the end, the standings were as follows: The amazing American Abbott was in the lead, while the incredible Borgini, Johnsen, and van der Breggen were almost neck and neck, following closely behind.

However, poor Abbot had been giving it her all and just ran out of steam in the final stages. Sadly, this meant that she was overtaken by the three Borghinis about 150 meters from the finish line. The three riders had already won their medals, so they gave it their all and crossed the finish line almost shoulder to shoulder. The judges had a tough job on their hands! Since the three riders crossed the line almost at the same time, they had to use the slow-motion video from the high-definition camera on the sidelines to determine the rankings. The results showed that Van der Breggen crossed the line first, just barely edging out Johansson by a width of a bicycle tire! The lovely Borginis were not far behind the two, and it was also necessary to use the video to confirm the result.

In short, poor Johansson felt a great sense of regret and disappointment because she narrowly missed out on the gold medal and suffered the greatest loss. On top of that, in sports competitions, the result is mostly influenced by the athlete's own performance, which is something we can all control. On top of that, Johansson had already been the silver medalist in this event at the 2008 Olympics. So, all these factors combined made the silver medalist feel like a complete loser. Poor Johansson! Since the Rio Olympics, she's been called "silver medal specialist," which is pretty embarrassing. Oh, poor Borgini! He was lagging behind and was likely to lose his medal and return home empty-handed. But in the end, Abbott's elimination and his own amazing comeback actually got him on the podium, which was a truly delightful surprise!

What's really fascinating is that this kind of striking contrast is actually pretty common. A lovely bunch of sports psychology researchers in the United States collected a whole bunch of facial expressions of athletes on the podium in Olympic events and then asked some lovely volunteers to score them. The scores were directly proportional to how happy the athletes were, with 1 being really sad and 10 being the happiest you could be! It's so interesting to see that the silver medalists scored the lowest, and that most athletes showed signs of loss, sadness, and regret. But here's an interesting twist! The average score of the bronze medalists was not much different from that of the gold medalists.

It's a harsh reality of professional competitive sports that, apart from the gold medalist, everyone else is a loser. But, you might be wondering, why does this kind of thing happen? Pinker said that this joy and sadness actually shows us two very different ways of thinking and evaluating after people encounter regret.

Pinker said that when we make a mistake and end up on the losing side, our minds tend to go in two different directions when we're trying to make sense of what happened. The first is more common and is the mainstream. It's called the "upward counterfactual mode," or the "what if" mode for short. Simply put, it's the thought that if I had made a different choice or taken a different path at that time, the result would have been much better than it is now. I'm sure Johansson was thinking something like, "If only I'd pushed myself harder in that final sprint and pedaled more vigorously, I'd have that gold medal now!"

And there's another way of thinking, too. It's called the "downward counterfactual mode," or sometimes just the "at least" mode. The "what if" mode is all about losses. It's natural to think this way sometimes. But there's another way to look at things. It's called the "at least" mode. With this mode, you focus on what you gained or possessed in addition to your losses. Let's take Borgini on the podium as an example. I bet his thoughts were something like this: "Even though I didn't win the championship, I'm still so happy to have gotten a medal! It was a lovely surprise."

Of course, this comparison doesn't mean that when we encounter regret, the "at least" mode is better than the "if" mode. The wonderful author Pinker says that, in fact, both modes of thinking have their own special merits. It's okay to feel down when things don't go our way. We all have to deal with adversity and losses in life. But, when we focus on the "at least" in our situation, it can help us feel a bit better. However, it might also prevent us from learning and growing from our experiences. The good news is that the "if" mode, even though it can make us feel pretty down, is more likely to turn into motivation for self-improvement. It inspires us to do better in the future!

So, from these two regret-induced modes of thinking, we can see that regret emotions can actually have three positive effects on us.

1. We can even use regret to help us make better decisions! It's a simple concept, but it's also known as "learning from one's mistakes." It's totally normal to make mistakes when we're learning and growing. And whenever we suffer losses due to mistakes in our decision-making and actions, if we encounter similar situations in the future, we will often not make the same mistakes.

2. We can also improve our performance!

For example, a group of management experts from Northwestern University in the United States conducted an interesting survey of 1,000 young scientists who had applied for research project funding from the US National Institutes of Health. Of course, some of the applications were successful and received funding, while others weren't so lucky. But here's an interesting twist! In the long run, the young scientists who didn't get the funding ended up publishing more research papers and producing more research results. It was a bit like "knowing shame and then being courageous."

3. We all have regrets, but they can also give our lives meaning. In his book, Pinker talks about the many regrets people have shared in the "World Regrets Questionnaire." There's one that really stood out for him, from a man named Henderson. When Henderson was just a little boy, he lived with his loving parents in sunny Phoenix, Arizona. Every winter, his grandparents would come to visit him and enjoy the lovely warm weather in Phoenix. At the time, Henderson felt that his grandparents were a bit too eager to help and interfere, so he didn't appreciate the time he spent with them as much as he could have. It wasn't until he grew up that Henderson realized what he'd missed. All those years, he'd thought his grandparents were nagging and meddlesome, but he'd been wrong. They'd been acting out of love for him. He even misses it! He says his grandmother had superb baking skills, and the strawberry pie she baked was the most delicious he had ever tasted. So whenever he eats sweets, he can't help but think of his grandmother's delicious baking. So, to make up for this regret, Henderson decided to cherish the time he spent with his parents, including accompanying them on trips, teaching the two elderly people to use various electronic products, and establishing an electronic database of family archives.

So, the wonderful author Pinker tells us something really important: don't avoid or deny your regrets. Because after going through the pain of loss, depression, and self-doubt, we'll become better, stronger, and wiser.

Oh, and guess what? To finish his research and writing, Pinker also found Abbott, the amazing female cross-country cyclist who unfortunately lost her lead in the final stage of the Rio Olympics due to physical exhaustion but still finished in fourth place. It's so sad - this race, which was full of regrets for her, was actually the last race of Abbott's career. The poor thing was so exhausted after that defeat that she decided to retire.

Abbott told Pinker that this defeat gave her a new perspective on herself. That sense of fulfillment and heartbreaking experience also made her life after retirement stronger and more motivated. In her own words, the lovely Abbott said: If you feel heartbroken, it means you've done something really significant, meaningful, and valuable. So it's totally worth it! If there are cracks in your life, don't fret! These cracks are also where the light can shine in.

Dismantling Regret

Okay, after listening to the definition, birth, and mechanism of action of the emotion of regret, let's take a look at the author's breakdown of the types of regret. Pinker shows us how to untangle the knots of regret in our daily lives by understanding the different types of regret and how they arise.

At first glance, it seems like regret is pretty straightforward. We feel remorse when we miss out on certain opportunities. But guess what? If you take a closer look, Pinker says in his book that regret can actually be divided into four very different types.

The first type is called fundamental regret. This is when we feel like we've lost the stability and security of our lives because we don't have the abilities or endowments we need to succeed. For example, we might have missed out on getting an educational diploma because we weren't as diligent as we could have been. Or, we might have found ourselves in debt because we love the thrill of impulsive consumption.

For example, a man named Drent mustered up the courage to tell Pink about his biggest regret in the World Regret Questionnaire. Drent had a tough start in life. He grew up in a difficult family environment and was even institutionalized. But with his amazing intelligence, incredible diligence, and unstoppable drive, he thrived in the workplace and became the human resources director of a major clothing company! However, Drent said that his biggest regret was not saving money and spending his wages as soon as he got them. He often thinks about how he could have been more financially comfortable if he had just been a bit more disciplined and developed some good money habits.

As it turns out, Drent's problem is pretty common. In the messages Pinker received, lots of people said that they often indulge in the sensory pleasures that bring instant gratification. They also said that they refuse to delay gratification and that they refuse to invest in behaviors that will bring long-term benefits. Pinker says that it's tough to avoid fundamental regret. It's all because we humans have a tendency to overestimate how much we'll enjoy something right away and underestimate the risks down the road. On top of that, it's important to remember that the combined effect of all our little mistakes can snowball into something pretty big. It's only when the final negative consequences hit that most people realize they've been dreaming.

Of course, many fundamental regrets are simply the result of making the wrong choice. In a nutshell, it can be summed up as, "If only I had tried harder!" We've all been there. But, as Pinker kindly reminds us, on the surface, this is indeed the case. However, in the depths, the more influential factor should be the environment in which the person is located. On the one hand, our environment can sometimes limit the choices we have. But on the other hand, if our environment isn't the best, it can also make it harder for us to benefit from the choices we do have. So, it's not just about overcoming our cognitive deficiencies and making wise choices. It's also about striving to constantly place ourselves in the right and good environment.

The second type of regret is called a courage regret. It's when we wish we had been braver and refused a certain risk, even though it meant missing out on something amazing. A lovely man named Bruce sent a piece of his past to Pinker's website, saying that it was his biggest regret in life.

Back in the 1980s, Bruce was just 22 years old and traveling in Europe. On the train, he met a lovely Belgian girl, and the two hit it off right away and felt that they had so many similar interests. It was such a lovely story! They were just two passengers sitting next to each other, but within a few hours, they had become friends and were even falling in love! However, once the train entered Belgium, the girl had to get off. Bruce quickly scrawled his name and address on a note and handed it to her. But Bruce never in his wildest dreams thought that this would be the first and last time they'd ever meet in their lives. In his email, Bruce said that if he could do it all again, he'd definitely forget his original travel plans and get off the train with her.

Author Pinker has a great point! We all know that regret can come from not planning ahead or lacking self-discipline. And it can also come from being indecisive. Looking back, we all do that thing where we imagine what might have been. It's natural! But it can also make us feel a little sad when we think about all the amazing things we missed out on to avoid taking risks.

Indeed, many psychologists have found in their research that people are more likely to regret past inaction than losses incurred by taking action. Pinker's own statistics show that, of all the cases he's received on his website, twice as many people regret not taking action at some point in the past as regret wrong decisions to act.

I totally get it! Once you've made a decision and taken action, it's much easier to see the consequences. But here's the thing: the benefits you lose through inaction are often vague, abstract, and unlimited. The person involved can even fill them with all their own beautiful and hopeful imaginings. Of course, it's only natural that when we imagine this way, we end up regretting it.

And it's not just our personal lives and emotions that can give us courageous regrets. Even our professional lives can give us pause for thought! There are so many people who have emailed Pinker, saying that they have missed out on the chance to change careers, follow their true interests, or even start a business because they were stuck in a job they didn't love and felt too secure to make a move. Pinker says that the courageous regrets that arise in personal career development reflect our desire for growth and self-transcendence, which is totally understandable!

The third type is called moral regret, which is also very simple. It's when we make choices or take actions that go against our conscience, because we didn't follow certain moral principles. As time goes by, we all tend to be a little hard on ourselves, don't we? We often feel bad about things we've done or not done in the past.

Pinker's statistics show that moral regret accounts for a relatively small proportion of the emails he receives, only about 10% of all regret cases. But, wow, it brings the greatest degree of pain and often lasts the longest! It's so sad when someone makes the choice to go against their moral principles for the sake of profit or because they're weak. At first, we may feel totally fine with these choices. But as time goes by and we start to see the negative effects, we begin to feel a bit uneasy.

There are so many different ethical issues out there, but they can all be grouped into a few main categories. The first is harming others, which we all know is wrong. Take Steve, for instance. He told Pink via email that when he was a kid, he used to hide his shyness by portraying himself as a bully. He'd often verbally abuse and ridicule his classmates and even get involved in fights. When he was just 16, poor Steve got into a fight and broke two of his classmates' front teeth. These days, Steve still feels bad about all those things he did when he was younger.

On top of that, deceiving others is also a big source of "moral regret." And most of all, it's the betrayal of a partner in an intimate relationship. Karin, a lovely woman, told Pinker that her biggest regret was that after her husband Steven joined the army, one day a comrade of her husband came to the house and deceived her. This person told Karin that Steven no longer loved her and that she had always been secretly in love with Karin. So the young, lonely, and vulnerable Karin believed this lie and had a short-lived affair. Poor thing!

Have you ever wondered where morality comes from? The wonderful Jonathan Haidt, a famous social psychologist, says that morality actually comes from the need for human society to exist and grow. This includes things like fairness and integrity, as well as the need for people to stick together and work together. Because we all need each other to get things done, any behavior that harms our ability to trust and work together is seen as harmful by all ethnic groups or cultures. And it's important to recognize that we're all in this together!

Pinker says in his book that moral regret is a good thing! It's painful, but it shows that the person involved wants to think about their actions and do good.

The fourth and final type is called relational regret. This is simply the loss of someone we once cherished and who was very important to us for various reasons.

Cheryl, a lovely woman, told Pink that her biggest regret was having upset her dear friend Jen. They were college roommates, and they were both so ambitious and had so many interests in common! They could talk about anything and were like sisters. But it was this lovely, family-like bond that unfortunately led to a bit of a rift in their friendship. After college, Jen got married, and Cheryl was her maid of honor. Some time later, Jen invited Cheryl to visit her new home and said she wanted to introduce Cheryl to one of her husband's friends. Cheryl said she immediately knew what Jen meant. Jen felt that her current boyfriend wasn't quite what she needed at the moment and was looking for something new. However, Cheryl felt that Jen's concern had gone a bit far. Besides, she felt that her boyfriend was just right for her, so she kindly declined Jen's invitation.

As they each started families and were in different places, Jen and Cheryl gradually grew apart. It was sad, but true, that they eventually became like strangers. Today, middle-aged Cheryl told Pinker: Looking back, she finally admitted that Jen was right. As it turned out, her ex-boyfriend wasn't the right person for her to be in a relationship with. She was young and a bit impulsive at the time. In order to keep the relationship going, she ended up giving up such a precious friendship, which she regretted deeply.

Pinker also pointed out that when it comes to "relational regret," there's often a similar story behind it. It's usually about a once-close relationship that's fallen apart for different reasons. Some of these breakups are totally out of our hands, but some are down to us being a bit careless or even having a misunderstanding. In any case, we all need to feel like we belong, and we all judge our own value and satisfaction based on what others think of us. So, when our intimate relationships break down, it's like a part of our sense of social belonging and self-worth just falls apart.

At the same time, Pinker also learned that a lot of people who have experienced "relational regret" are a bit reluctant to take the initiative to reconnect with their family and friends. I'd love to know why that is! After chatting and looking into things, Pinker discovered that these folks are actually caught in a bit of a pickle. On the one hand, they really want to get back in touch with these old friends. But on the other hand, they're also a little scared that if they reach out, they'll be rejected or if the other person isn't that enthusiastic, they'll feel embarrassed. Of course, this kind of thinking is also something we all do from time to time. In other words, we tend to think that others are more resistant and opposed to us than they really are, while also thinking that they're not as willing to accept and help us as they really are. This can make us feel really scared, and it can even make us want to wait passively out of fear.

So, Pinker says, if we want to free ourselves from this "relationship regret," the best thing we can do is to reach out to those we've alienated and hurt with a sincere and honest attitude, and try to gain their understanding. Cheryl was finally able to push past her embarrassment and send Jen a heartfelt email. Within a few hours, Jen responded with a kind and thoughtful reply. The two friends made up after 25 years and their friendship was restored!

And that, friends, is a wrap on the content of this book, "The Power of Regret." In this book, Pinker takes a close look at the nature of regret, its four sub-types, the positive and negative effects they bring, and how we deal with regret. He also offers insights into the means and methods of self-healing.

In the book, Pinker helpfully divides regret into four types: relationship-based, courageous, moral, and fundamental. He kindly explains that these four types of regret are actually our desire for the four basic human needs: stability, growth, kindness, and love and being loved.

And there's another thing. Regret shows us that there's a conflict going on inside us between different parts of ourselves. Columbia University psychologist Higgins once came up with a fascinating theory. He said that, in our minds, there are actually three parts to ourselves: our real selves, our ideal selves, and our selves that we think we should be. These three selves represent our obligations, commitments, and responsibilities, respectively. If we can't become the ideal self, we might miss out on some great opportunities. And if we don't fulfill our responsibilities, we might not get to live up to our full potential. Pinker says that in all four types of regret, each one involves the opportunities we encounter and the responsibilities we bear, or both.

Pinker also found something really interesting in the survey. It seems that how often people have regrets depends a lot on who they are.

For instance, folks with a university degree are more likely to have regrets related to career choices. That's because a full university education opens up a world of possibilities when it comes to your career. With a wider range of options, it's only natural that you might have missed out on a few.

On top of that, as we get older, we're more likely to have regrets about things we didn't do. As we get older, life just seems to get more and more limited in terms of possibilities and opportunities. It's only natural that we're more likely to regret things we haven't done in the past.

So, how can we deal with regrets in a way that's kind to ourselves and help us learn from our past mistakes? In his book, Pinker thoughtfully provides us with a wonderful four-step solution.

The first step is called making amends, which includes apologizing sincerely to those you have hurt and making compensation.

The second step is to try to adopt the "at least" mindset we mentioned earlier. This is a great way to take stock of what you've lost and gained.

The third step is made up of three simple actions: expression, care, and detachment. The goal is to push away those sad, negative feelings that come with regret and bring a sense of normalcy back into your life.

First, there's expression. Pinker really encourages us to express ourselves. This could be by talking to a professional psychological institution or a trusted friend or family member about how you're feeling. Some psychologists have found something really interesting in experiments. They asked volunteers to answer different types of questions and receive different monetary rewards. Guess what? They often chose to answer questions related to their own situation and mindset. And they did this even if the reward for answering these questions was not high. And there's more! When volunteers confide in themselves, their reward circuit is also activated.

Then there's self-care and self-withdrawal, which are often mentioned in other psychological books where we get to hear our stories. I won't go into detail here, but I'm sure you'll find lots of helpful advice in those books! These two steps can really help us feel more in control of our lives and give us a chance to think about our own value again. They can also help us feel less affected by grief through physical comfort. At the same time, you can also look at your past from the perspective of others. This can help you focus your attention on improving specific problems, rather than just feeling sad and helpless.

And finally, the most important step is all about "anticipating future regrets and revising current decisions." For example, many Internet technology companies set a not-so-great ending in advance when a research and development project is launched. This could be things like the project running over time, the budget exceeding the limit, or the key design concept not being able to be presented with existing technology. Then, using this ending as a guide, we can work backwards to determine what measures we can take from the beginning of the project to avoid these bad endings.

Pinker also reminds us that it can be really tough to accurately predict our regrets. This is totally normal! We all tend to overestimate our abilities, enthusiasm, and even physical condition, and underestimate the harsh environment we may face. This might mean that we've managed to avoid some regrets, but we might still have some risks on our hands.

Pinker has come up with three simple principles that we can use as a kind of guide to help us predict regrets and make better decisions.

1. It's always a good idea to remind yourself that we often overestimate the degree of regret. If we don't keep an eye on this tendency, we might end up spending more money and energy on emotional insurance than we really need.

2. If we just go for it and try to make sure we never have any regrets in the future, we might end up making things worse. It's so important to be prepared to face the risks associated with uncertainty. Trying to eliminate them is a bit of a tall order!

3. We can't get rid of regrets, and they'll stick with us for a while. So, in most cases, it's totally fine to focus on meeting your basic needs. At the same time, it's a great idea to try to predict as far ahead as you can! For example, Bezos often thinks about what it would be like to be 80 years old and looking back on the rest of his life. This is because it's so important to look at the value of all those little things you do right, and see how they add up over time.